Living with Uncertainty

It’s been a year since my husband’s cancer diagnosis and surgeries to remove his tumor and lymph nodes. He has six weeks to go until he’ll be finished with his interferon treatments – a much smaller number than the 52 weeks he had to look forward to when his treatments began. He’ll be glad to have the drug and all of its side affects out of his system, but he’s hesitant to celebrate. Melanoma is a very aggressive cancer; and he knows he will have to live with it for the rest of his life.

We all realize life is full of uncertainty, but it feels like we’ve been living with more than a healthy dose of it over the last four years. This summer’s debt ceiling debate and the current concerns over Europe’s sovereign debt have done nothing to improve most people’s peace of mind. If you have the personality of an engineer or CPA like my husband and me, you may have an even more difficult time not knowing what comes next. So how do you cope?

1. Know what you are dealing with. I believe one of the biggest hurdles for many people is refusing to face their fears. For example, if you are worried about your ability to retire, but you have no idea what you are actually spending on a monthly basis, it only adds to your anxiety. It’s an issue you may not want to deal with, but not addressing it means you might be spending yourself further into a hole that you can’t dig yourself out. Not facing the issues you are worried about only compounds the situation. 
2. Have a plan. I understand I’ve said this before, but having a plan is critical and helps keep panic at bay. If you know what you need to live on, and you have five years of living expenses stashed away in cash and short term bonds, the next time the market takes a dive it won’t take your stomach with it. You’ll be confident that you don’t need to rely on a market upturn for your future survival. If you are saving for a goal, know what you need to accomplish each year, so you can make adjustments if you need to, instead of abandoning hope.
3. Recognize the uncertainty for what it is. There are basic truths in investing that cannot be avoided. If you refuse to take any risk, you will not receive as much reward. Look at CD rates these days. Your principal is guaranteed, but you earn virtually nothing. Stocks, on the other hand, pay us a much greater return over time in exchange for the erratic path they take toward those returns. If there was no day-to-day uncertainty in holding stocks there would be no long-term reward.

So how are we dealing with Gregg’s uncertainty? We have read almost everything there is to read about melanoma, the current treatments and research in progress. We know his odds, and we are doing everything we can to improve them. We also know that uncertainty can be a gift. When you don’t take your life for granted, you appreciate each day even more.

Jeannette A. Jones, CPA, CFP®
jjones@taaginc.com
http://www.taaginc.com/

Necessary Losses

On August 24th my husband and I learned he has Stage III melanoma. Gregg is what some people might call a “health freak” who has exercised nearly every day of his life since grade school, ingests a diet of organic fruits and vegetables, and uses sunscreen religiously. He has done everything within his power to maintain a healthy body; but we have learned, along with many other things over the past few weeks, there are things you can’t control, and DNA is one of them.

My way of coping with bad news is to try to obtain as much information as possible about it, and then determine a plan to deal with it. Unfortunately, the more I read about Stage III melanoma, the more discouraged I became. So I turned to a book, Necessary Losses, by Judith Viorst, to help me cope. In her book, she discusses the many illusions, dependencies and impossible expectations that all of us have to give up in order to grow as individuals. As I read, I recognized that I have been stuck in an illusion she describes as “omnipotent guilt, which rests on the illusion of control – the illusion, for example, that we have absolute power over our loved ones’ well-being. And so, if they suffer or fail or fall ill, we have no doubt that we are to blame, that had we done it differently, or had done it better, we surely would have been able to prevent it.” I know I have felt this way many times. Ironically, this illusion is probably why I became a financial advisor, and why I take my relationships with my clients so personally. Making sure that all the clients of our firm remain emotionally and financially secure has always felt like my life-purpose, not a job.

I’m a CPA and Gregg is an engineer by training, so I am sure we will both be struggling with the issue of control as we deal with his cancer. But instead of being frustrated by the things we cannot control, we have decided to focus on those we can. We are learning about expert doctors and clinics in the field, making sure that Gregg is getting the best treatment possible, and continuing to help him stay healthy, so his body can fight it.

We are also focused on the positive. We are thankful for the gift of meeting each other when we were so young, being happily married for over 30 years and enjoying and appreciating each sweet day of life. I hope you remember to do the same.

Jeannette A. Jones, CPA, CFP®
jjones@taaginc.com
http://www.taaginc.com